I'm Lovin' It!

No, silly, I'm not talking about McDonald's, although it does sound good. I'm talking about pregnancy. I love feeling all the daily changes and watching my body conform to the pregnancy mold and watch all the pregnancy symptoms pop up and make themselves known. Here are some of the few things that I've noticed and experienced so far:

Nausea - all the time, lemme tell ya!
Sore Boobs - not nearly as bad as it was but still very tender.
Nose Sensitivity - my smeller is working overtime and my stomach is not happy about it, yuck!
"Road Maps" - I'm starting to get the darkened blue veins showing all over my breasts & belly.
"Goose Bumps" - I've had the goose bump like bumps on my nipples, they swollen lubrication glands.
Headaches - frequently.
Bloating - my poor intestines have been shoved up into my belly and unfortunately to them, they'll be there for a long time.
Gas - and it hasn't been pretty.
Belly Flutters - all through my belly, all the time.
Runny Nose - usually when I eat, odd?
Back Pain - already?!

Here's what my levels turned out to be:

Beta #1: 358
Beta #2: 838
Beta #3: 2344!!!!

We have our first ultrasound scheduled for Friday, March 27th, 2009, so wish us luck for happy, healthy babies.

Any last minute guesses as to how many we have in there? (We transfered 2 embies)

Upcoming Appointments

Monday, January 18th, 2009
2 Month Baby Check-Up

THE MONKEY'S Progress

01-18-2010: 2 Month Appointment!
Weight: 11lbs 7oz - 25th Percentile
Length: 24 inches - 75th Percentile
Head: 15 7/8 inches - 95th Percentile

11-25-2009: 2 Week Appointment!
Weight: 7lbs 9oz - 25th Percentile
Length: 21.5 inches - 75th Percentile
Head: 14.5 inches - 50th Percentile

11-20-2009: Weight Checkup!
Weight: 7lbs 6oz

11-17-2009: First Checkup!
Weight: 6lbs 14oz
Vaccines: Hep B

11-12-2009: JUNIOR'S BIRTH
Weight: 7lbs 7oz
Length: 20in
Head: 13.25in
Time: 3:51pm

11-11-2009: 39w
Heart Rate: 136bpm
My Weight: 160lbs (+32)
My Belly: 39cm
Cervix: 4cm & 75% effaced
Station: +2

11-05-2009: 38w1d
Heart Rate: 146bpm
My Weight: 153lbs (+25)
My Belly: 38cm
Cervix: 3cm & 70% effaced (still)
Station: -1

10-28-2009: 37w
Heart Rate: 174bpm
My Weight: 153lbs (+25)
My Belly: 37cm
*OFF BEDREST!*
*On Light Duty*
Baby Weight: 7lbs (?)
Cervix: Easy 3cm & 70% effaced
Station: -1

10-23-2009: 36w2d
Heart Rate: 148bpm
My Weight: 152lbs (+24)
My Belly: 36cm
*Discharged - Strict Bedrest*
H1N1 Results: NEGITIVE!
LOST MUCUS PLUG!

10-22-2009: 36w1d
Heart Rate: 178bpm
My Weight: 149lbs (+21)
My Belly: 36w
PIH Results: Negitive!!
*Possible H1N1 Infection*
*Hospital Admission*

10-21-2009: 36w
Heart Rate: 156bpm
My Weight: 150lbs (+22)
My Belly: 36cm
Cervix: Tight 2cm & 0% effaced
Station: -3
Strep B Results: NEGITIVE!
*Admitted overnight for PIH*

10-15-2009: 35w1d
Heart Rate: 156bpm
My Weight: 149lbs (+21)
My Belly: 36cm

09-29-2009: 32w6d
Heart Rate: 171bpm
My Weight: 147lbs (+19)
My Belly: 33cm

09-14-2009: 30w5d
Heart Rate: 144bpm
My Weight: 144lbs (+16)
My Belly: 30-31cm
Placental Location: MOVED!!!
Flu Shot!
*Monitored in L&D*

09-01-09: 28w6d
Heart Rate: 146bpm
My Weight: 141lbs (+13)
My Belly: 30cm
RH- Shot!

08-18-2009: 26w6d
Heart Rate: 154bpm
My Weight: 140lbs (+12)
My Belly: 28cm
Glucose Test: NEGITIVE!!

07-06-09: 20w5d
Heart Rate: 158bpm
My Weight: 132lbs (+4)
My Belly: 20cm
GENDER: BOY!! (14oz.)

06-15-09: 17w5d
Heart Rate: 153bpm
My Weight: 128lbs (0)

06-02-09: 15w5d
Heart Rate: 167bpm
My Weight: 128lbs. (0)
My Belly: 16cm
Quad Screen Results: NORMAL

05-18-09: 13w5d
Heart Rate: 154bpm
My Weight: 130lbs. (+2)
My Belly: 14cm

04-16-09: 9w1d
Baby Measuring: 9w4d (28mm)
Heart Rate: 169bpm
My Weight: 128lbs.

04-10-09: 8w2d
Baby Measuring: 8w3d
Heart Rate: 165bpm
My Weight: 131lbs.

03-27-09: 6w2d
Baby Measuring: 6w2d
Heart Rate: 122bpm
My Weight: 128lbs.

03-16-09: Beta - 2344!!

03-14-09: Beta - 858!!

03-12-09: Beta - 358!!
My Weight: 139lbs.

Our Infertility Journey

March 16, 2009: Beta 2344!!!
March 14, 2009: Beta 838!!!
March 12, 2009: BFP #3 - Beta: 358! - WE'RE PREGNANT!
March 11, 2009: BFP #2
March 10, 2009: BFP #1
March 3, 2009: 4 of 6 Blasts sucessfully frozen!
February 28, 2009: Embryo Transfer - Continue PIO injections - Start Estrogen Patches - Start Prenatals
February 27, 2009: Start Progesterone Injections
February 26, 2009: Update on Eggs: 11 mature - 8 fertilized
February 25, 2009: EGG RETRIEVAL!!! - 12 Eggs retrieved!
February 23, 2009: Ultrasound - Estrodial Draw - Stop Stim Meds! - 9pm - HCG Injection!!!
February 22, 2009: Ultrasound - Estrodial Draw - Reduce Follistim to 100units
February 20, 2009: Ultrasound - Estrodial Draw - Continue Meds
February 18, 2009: Ultrasound - Estrodial Draw - Continue Meds
February 13, 2009: Supression Check - Reduce Lupron to 5units - Start 150units of Follistim - Start 75units of Lupron
February 1, 2009: Start 20units of Lupron
January 17, 2009: Start BCP's
January 2009: IVF with ICSI Scheduled
December 2008: IVF Consultation with RE
March 07 - December 08: TTC Naturally - BFN
March 2007: IUI with Clomid - BFN #2
February 2007: 2nd IUI CANCELLED - Large Ovarian Cyst (deemed paritubal cyst - no worries)
January 2007: Consultation with RE - IUI with Clomid - BFN
August 05 - December 07: Cycle after Cycle - BFN
August 2005: TTC Cycle #1 - BFN
July 2005: Vasovasectomy - Sucess!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!!!

I completely suck with my lack of updates. I have just been over the moon these past couple of days and it's been hard to find the time to do anything, especially when the pregnancy symptoms have kicked me in the a$$ already.

Thursday, March 12, 2009 was our first beta and the restult came out to a very high 358!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009 was our second beta and the result came to an even higher 838!!

Monday, March 16, 2009 is our third beta and we should know the results in a few hours.. nervous!

My level more than doubled by 122!! So I am hoping that they continue like that and it more than doubles again today.

I'll update as soon as I know.

As for the pregnancy symptoms, geesh! Here a list, because lists are easy and I am hungry:

Week 4 - Pregnancy Symptoms:

• Breast Tenderness - feeling like they could fall off at any point.
• Nausea - I get a few bouts a day, usually at least 2, sometimes 3, but I have yet to puke.
• Cramping - I'll get a few cramps here and there, although not as many as I used to.
• Cravings - Nothing sweet or I want to vomit! Only veggies, please, with ranch!
• Smell - I can barely walk through a mall without wanting to hurl.
  

And since you've waited ever so patiently, I'll post my 4 week pregnancy pic:

Expecting The Unexpected

Waiting for results is not my fortay, let me tell you! I paced. I was nauseated. I just wanted to go take a nap and puke at the same time to make the feeling of uneasy-ness go away. It was so not my style.

I waited for hours and hours, litterally. Seconds seemed like days and days seemed like lifetimes. I can not imagine going through that again, even if I wanted to.

It was rough.

Then all the sudden jeff walked in the door with this in hand:

For some reason the results just didn't seem real. I asked, "she called and it was positive?!?!?!?"

Jeff replied with, "yes! It was a BIG positive!" So I immediately screamed, "WE'RE PREGNANT?!?!" He just replied by nodding his head yes!

All I wanted to know is what my hcg hormone level was. I was so nervous! He said that my hormone level was 358!!! YES! That's super high for being 4 weeks along.. so they're thinking multiples, but we'll see upon first ultrasound!

I go through 2 more beta's then we'll go from there. My next is on Saturday and then again on Monday. Wish us luck that it will continue like it should and that all will be well.

Oh and for the record, I haven't told anyone this but we took 3 digital HPT's prior to this and all BFP's!!!! Here's the proof:

So all in all, it's been a GREAT day!

What YOU mean to me!

Dear my little embie babies,

I have spent many years of my life wondering when or if I would ever become a mother. I can remember back to when I was a young girl, probably about 14-16 and even then I wanted children. Knowing that if I even thinking about the possibility would cause my mom to have a coronary then kill me afterward, I never even tried and I am thankful for that. However these last four years have been tough. Longing to see you, even on an ultrasound has been the hardest thing that I've missed and oh how I have wanted them so much. I've stressed and tested and tried and worried, all of which wasn't doing me, or you, any good, I am sure.


However, we've now come to the point in time where we find out if you're going to stay or not. I can tell you that it isn't easier waiting, now, than when I've been trying for you all along, however I do have peace in knowing that you are there and are growing like you should be. Instead of us trying as we might only to find out that your daddies swimmers just weren't making it all the way up the mountain. If only they know what the view would have been like once they got up there.

I went in this morning for my blood draw, the final step in our first IVF with ICSI process. I can't tell you how many times I've about puked because I want you to stay so bad! Even though I have no say so in your future (in my womb) I do believe that maybe if I did eat the things that you liked and relaxed as much as possible, it would convince you that a life with me would be much better than going elsewhere.

I've done as much as I can to keep you around and even though I know that I can't do anything else to do so, I still feel as though it's MY job to care for you and keep you safe, healthy and happy while you're in my belly.

You don't have to worry, if you stay, because I don't care about gaining weight, I never really have, so I will eat as much as you need and want me to. I will do everything in my power to make you as happy as possible while you're in there.

Do you like music? Reading books? To make your stay as pleasant as possible I would be more than happy to play some music for you, even sing a few of my homemade songs. Okay they may not be as good but I promise they will make you laugh. Reading is fun, too! I promise to read you children's books and tell you the things going on 'on the outside' while you're brewing away beautifully on the inside. You won't miss a thing.

I am sure your dad will tell you stories, he is good at them! He's very funny too. Life is very light and free at our house because with him, you simply can't stay mad for long. He looks and comments just make you want to giggle. Did you know that he wants you just as much as I? He has been so helpful and wonderful during this whole process. He's been the one to comfort me when your eggie siblings haven't stayed like I've wanted them to. It's been great to have him as my partner in all of this and I know you will love him as your dad. He's the best!

SO please, please decide that you want to stick around and see what it's like here on the outside with us as parents. I won't make you eat your veggies and we can even have a cookie before dinner. Whatever it is that makes you happy!

*oh and veggies really are good! I am sure you will love them, both your dad and I do, as well as almost everyone else in the family, so you have good odds!*

I love you with everything I have,
Your mama!

The Meaning Of STEPHANIE

I was recently viewing a friend's blog over at (Mis)conceptions: An Infertility Blog and the subject of her post made me laugh! I had to try it for myself. So I followed her instructions and here's my results:

The deffinition of STEPHANIE.

1. Stephanie is the sexiest girl in the world. (damn right, heh!)

2. Stephanie is very nice and caring towards everyone and she always has a smile on her face no matter what and even though she doesnt know it she is very beautiful and smart. (see, I am beautiful AND smart, ha!)

3. Stephanie is a very sexy, sophisticated women. Someone that knows what they want and can get it. Can also mean a sophisticated bitch. (well, yes, I guess I can be!)

4. Stephanie is a girl who is more addictive than crack and internet porno combined! (Yay! My favorite!)

5. Stephanie is the most adorable, retardedly funny, easy and fun to talk to person to walk the earth. (retardedly funny, um, sure!)

6. Stephanie is, to say the least, an incredible girl. She is an immediate soul mate, before you even have the time to realize it. She is gorgeous, but still stands out from the other pretty girls. She has a sense of humor that never dissapoints or keeps you from laughing. She has this aura about her that no one else could ever have. She carries herself with grace worthy of Grace Kelly herself. Stephanie is loving, unique, and maybe even a bit quirky; but its in a cool addictive way. Once you meet a real Stephanie, don't ever let go. (it sums me up!)

So, what does your name mean?

Holy Cramping!

I've been cramping like crazy lately. It could be good or it could be bad.

Good: it could be implantation, furthering themselves into the uterus where we're hoping that they stay for a very very long time.

Bad: it could be that AF is on her way and she's trying to rid me of my right to motherhood like she has every month for the past 3.5 years.

The only good thing that I can think about at this point is the fact that I have had these cramps since a few days about 3dpt.

I am currently 9dp3dt or for those of you ferties, it means, 9 days past 3 day transfer. So technically I am 12 days past fertilization, and I take my beta in 2 days, well on Thursday. Some of you may say it's 2 days some may say 3 but whatever. It's Thursday.

I have to call the dr tomorrow to see when my apt is and if there is anything I need to do before hand. I only have enough syringes till Thursday morning so I also need to know if I need to get my refill, incase it is positive and we need to keep on our PIO shots for a while. We'll see what she says.

Thankfully the cramping only lasts around 10-20 minutes at a time and goes away for a while, then comes back. Thankfully I have yet to spot or bleed at all, and I am so very thankful for that.

Please keep your thoughts, well wishes, prayers, etc, up for us. We're still very cautiously optimistic.

Another Day Down

Not much new to post here. I've been trying to keep myself busy, to pass time, and such, but I've just been feeling sore, tired, pains here and there, etc.

I am not feeling too good tonight, as I am just EXHAUSTED after a day of scrubbing the house and caring for the foster-baby, so my back is KILLING me, I have a horribly bruised muscle in my butt cheek from my shot 2 days ago, it's so painful. My muscle is hard as a rock and it HURTS. My back is just killing me, so off to bed I go.

No new symptoms to report, other than the usuals. Only 5(ish) more days to go, so we'll see.

Update & Question

Question first, because I am mean and like to torture you. Have you ever wondered if things were just going too perfectly? I am having that issue right now. Our whole IVF cycle had a few snags with timing and scheduling issues, as well as worry and not knowing if we were going to get all our meds in time (that happened a few times) but now that things are a whole lot calmer and all we have to do is wait, I am starting to think that this whole process just went a little too smooth. I feel like the results aren't going to happen the way we want and in just 8 short days, we're going to be heartbroken. Again. I am really trying not to worry as I know that is not good for my body, or the babies, but I have this horrible fear that we're just never going to have kids. Is that normal, or am I being overdramatic?

Now for the update: Out of the 12 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature, and 8 of those 11 were fertilized. Out of the 8 fertilized, 2 (awesome 3d embies) were transfered and 6 were left in the lab to grow into beautiful little Blastocysts, at which point if any made it, they'd be frozen.

We just got news, yesterday, that of the 6 that were waiting, 4 made it to perfect little blasties, and all 4 froze successfully!!!

Can anyone say, YIPPEEE!!!!

IVF Ruined My Body!!!

Ruined... okay maybe not so much, but when you're trying to get pregnant, you never think the act of "trying" will make you fatter. Isn't it supposed to wait till you're pregnant? Isn't the simple act of "trying" supposed to make you loose weight?!

Not in my case.

Being on infertility drugs does wonders to your body.

First, they put you on BCP's (and for those of you non-if'ers - Birth Control Pills) which litterally kill Mother Nature. I mean, smothers her in the night!! You stay on them for a full month, taking only the "active" pills, of course. The way it was discribed to me was every month Miss Overies pick a few chosen eggs to compete in order to see who will be chosen that month for ovulation. Well with IVF they don't want that to happen. They want lovely Miss Overies to be overly generous and give away all her goods. Okay, maybe not all, but all the ones she has chosen for that particular month. BCP's, they're not so bad. They make Mrs. Uterus very crabby and make The Twins rather tender to the touch, but other than that, BCP's were okay.

Second, they like to send your poor little defenseless reproductive system into SHOCK by starting you on daily injections of Luprolide, or as some call it, Lupron. I happen to call it death in a bottle. Okay, for those of you that don't know... Lupron is given to patients who have Ovarian CANCER to stop the production of their overies so the cancer won't grow anymore. It says in the pamflet that you get with this Oh So Wonderful drug, "to expect menopause like symptoms". By the way, Menopause is NOT meant for 22 year olds, or anyone close to that age. It SUCKS. I felt like someone drained the life out of my poor no longer living soul. Hot flashes. Check. Nightsweats. Check. Irritability. CHECK CHECK and CHECK again! Mood Swings. Check. Headaches. Check. Cramping. Check. Let me tell you, it's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

(it also says that it's meant for men with prostate cancer... I wonder how it makes them feel?! :D)

Third, after about a week of overlapped treatments (bcp's and lupron injects) they take you off BCP's, which makes dreaded AF (aunt flow - monthly curse - menstration - whatever you'd like to call it) last about twice as freaking long as she usually does. Okay, can someone please let that lady know that I no longer want her as my aunt and she needs to stop visiting me!!! (okay, in all honesty, I need her to make babies, BUT she can't stay for very long!!)

Fourth, then they like to trick you. They get you all used to these Super-Easy-To-Give injections of Lupron and ask you to start injecting yourself with 2 (TWO!) more medications in the evening. Follistim, which I happen to think is gold in liquid form, and Menopur, which is liquid acid all prettied up and packaged with a bow. So now you have to inject yourself with Lupron in the morning and follistim and menopur in the evening. Now the Follistim and the Lupron needles are so small, you can't even feel them. So no biggie there. The real problem lies with the Menopur. 1) the needles are a tad bit larger and 2) as I said before, it's liquid acid in a bottle. That crap will burn the slime of a snail, I am not kidding! You can feel every single drop of that poison going all throughout your belly and let me tell you, it's about the equivalent of injection yourself with bleach. It aint pretty. (yes, I just said aint.)

Fifth, by the time you're getting used to the acid running through your veins, they ask you to immediately stop (thank god!) and have your Ever-So-Loving Spouse give you your "trigger shot". Now I have had this shot before, twice before to be exact, but the simple thought of my husband, (who's never given a shot in his LIFE!!!!) give me a shot with a 25g needle that's 1 and a half inches long, into my ass muscle was a bit to much for me to handle. Thankfully it all went as planned after me about passing out from hyperventilating and bawling for 20 minutes.

Sixth, Oh and then they're nice enough to give your poor little unsuspecting body a little break for a few days before they KNOCK you out and suck every little egg from your precious body. They do provide vicodin, however it wasn't really needed afterward.

Seventh, they ask you two days after your ER (egg retrieval) to start PIO injection. For those of you who aren't savy in the world of infertility, it's Progesterone In Oil injections. Now those aren't as bad as people made them out to be, but be prepared for your ass to hurt for weeks. It's an IM (intramuscular) injection so most the time it goes into your butt cheek. Not only is the needle only a 22g, but it feels as if someone is shoving a freaking golf ball into the muscle of your upper ass. Try sitting down after that.

Eighth, then they ask you to drink a LITER AND A HALF of water within 45 minutes, and it has to be done 45 minutes before your ET (embryo transfer). Now I am one who HATES the feeling of having to pee. I hate to pee period. It's just one of my pet peeves but obviously I live with it. However this time.. it wasn't tolerable. I laid back on the table, so the nurse could scan my belly to see if I had enough urine in my bladder (to make the ultrasound more visable for the transfer) and the expression afterward was priceless... "OH! We need you to pee out about 2-3 cups, SOON!" Uh, ya think! Crying on the table because my bladder felt like it was going to explode wasn't for my own entertainment. For future reference, the human body wasn't meant to hold a liter and a half of water, all at once!

Ninth, then comes the easiest part of the WHOLE process. They ask that you apply 2 estrogen patches somewhere on the trunk of your body, and change them twice weekly. Really?! That's all I have to do?! I can sooo do that!!

Now they ask you to wait for 2 weeks till you can find out if it was all worth it or not.

That's what I am doing now. Mind you, this is all done in one months time. Well besides the BCP's, you take those for a month and all the meds are done in a month. It's a long drawn out process of ultrasounds after ultrasounds, bloodwork after bloodwork, needle after needle after needle. I think I've smelled alcohol so much (from the cleaning pads) that it's become a normal fragrance in our house.

I also thought I should add that I am not regretful for ANY part of this process. I am glad and so thankful and blessed that I was able to endure every part of this cycle. I am not complaining for anything that I've had to endure or experience. It's all be amazing and I do encourage you, if you ever get a chance, please do it. Don't hesitate. My husband's sperm is not of the best quality and if I have to do this 1,000 times over again just to have a chance to have children with my husband, I would do it in a heartbeat. No hesitation. I just wanted to provide some sort of light on the subject for those who are fertile and don't have any issues, and to provide some sort of humor for those who have gone though it before, or are doing it now.

Just think... one more shot that you do, is one less you'll have to. It really is over before you know it.

Anyway, now back to why I wrote all this... you can only imagine the side effects of all of these meds and all of them combined.. and it can make a person horribly bloated, moody, sore, fatigued, tired, exhausted, and everything else all rolled up into one cute little burrito.

I started this process out weighing in at about 129 pounds. Last time I checked I was up to about 139 and it's all been in a months time.

I've gone from this:

Now it may not look like a ton of difference to some of you, but I feel like a chub and there's nothing that I can do about it. Each med makes you gain water weight and in people who are taller and have a bigger build, it may not be an issue, but in me, you can tell. I can tell that my husband has noticed all though he is happy about it all, he won't say that I've gotten fatter (smart man!) but when I pry it out of him he will say that I have gotten a little bloated. It's all in my belly.

Now some of you may be thinking, "what does she think is going to happen when she does get pregnant and she gains weight and gets fat?" I know that already. I am totally expecting to gain weight and I am happy about that.. but what my point is, is this:

Noone ever tells you that trying to get pregnant will make you gain weight.

Pantries are AMAZING!

When we moved we downsized from a HUGE almost walk-in pantry down to a floor to ceiling normal cupboard size pantry. There wasn't much space to put ANYTHING. We downsized almost everything. Our square footage, our kitchen size, our cupboard space, everything. We've lived here since the middle of November and I've about had enough with the pantry. Jeff went out and baught a few closable bookshelves and they work WONDERS as extra storage space for a pantry. Here they are all built and pretty:

And here they are all filled with our goodies:

I am so super excited that I can have things all displayed and organized like I like them. All my labels have to be facing out and all my shelves have to be co-ordinating. Veggies on one shelf, boxed dinners on another shelf, soup on another, etc.

I am so overjoyed.

As for the pregnancy, I've been told "you're pregnant till proven otherwise" and I tend to agree. I currently AM pregnant as I am carrying 2 fertilized, growing embryos, who may technically be called Blastocysts (as they're 5dpt - 5 days post transfer) but I like calling them my little Embies.

We have 10 more days to wait and I am so extremely excited but I am very cautious.

Side effects so far: breast tenderness, bloating, swollen overies, rump knots (LMAO!), weakness when I don't eat frequently, and I've had a few bouts of constipation/diarrhea, it alternates.

*However the diarrhea/consipation may be caused from my IBS since I've been eating more lately*

Our Beautiful Embies!!

My mom has dubbed them her "grandbubbles" I tend to love the nickname.

Without further adue, here are our precious little "picture perfect" embies!

The last picture shows a tiny little mouse in the center... that's where they placed our picture perfect embies.