What YOU mean to me!

Dear my little embie babies,

I have spent many years of my life wondering when or if I would ever become a mother. I can remember back to when I was a young girl, probably about 14-16 and even then I wanted children. Knowing that if I even thinking about the possibility would cause my mom to have a coronary then kill me afterward, I never even tried and I am thankful for that. However these last four years have been tough. Longing to see you, even on an ultrasound has been the hardest thing that I've missed and oh how I have wanted them so much. I've stressed and tested and tried and worried, all of which wasn't doing me, or you, any good, I am sure.


However, we've now come to the point in time where we find out if you're going to stay or not. I can tell you that it isn't easier waiting, now, than when I've been trying for you all along, however I do have peace in knowing that you are there and are growing like you should be. Instead of us trying as we might only to find out that your daddies swimmers just weren't making it all the way up the mountain. If only they know what the view would have been like once they got up there.

I went in this morning for my blood draw, the final step in our first IVF with ICSI process. I can't tell you how many times I've about puked because I want you to stay so bad! Even though I have no say so in your future (in my womb) I do believe that maybe if I did eat the things that you liked and relaxed as much as possible, it would convince you that a life with me would be much better than going elsewhere.

I've done as much as I can to keep you around and even though I know that I can't do anything else to do so, I still feel as though it's MY job to care for you and keep you safe, healthy and happy while you're in my belly.

You don't have to worry, if you stay, because I don't care about gaining weight, I never really have, so I will eat as much as you need and want me to. I will do everything in my power to make you as happy as possible while you're in there.

Do you like music? Reading books? To make your stay as pleasant as possible I would be more than happy to play some music for you, even sing a few of my homemade songs. Okay they may not be as good but I promise they will make you laugh. Reading is fun, too! I promise to read you children's books and tell you the things going on 'on the outside' while you're brewing away beautifully on the inside. You won't miss a thing.

I am sure your dad will tell you stories, he is good at them! He's very funny too. Life is very light and free at our house because with him, you simply can't stay mad for long. He looks and comments just make you want to giggle. Did you know that he wants you just as much as I? He has been so helpful and wonderful during this whole process. He's been the one to comfort me when your eggie siblings haven't stayed like I've wanted them to. It's been great to have him as my partner in all of this and I know you will love him as your dad. He's the best!

SO please, please decide that you want to stick around and see what it's like here on the outside with us as parents. I won't make you eat your veggies and we can even have a cookie before dinner. Whatever it is that makes you happy!

*oh and veggies really are good! I am sure you will love them, both your dad and I do, as well as almost everyone else in the family, so you have good odds!*

I love you with everything I have,
Your mama!