Chaos & Confusion

Sometimes life is just a mix of jumbled up emotions, chaos swirling around us as we desperately try to find our footing. I often find myself wishing for the next step in life as I find myself treading water tryin to keep myself from being sucked in to the current. I have a really hard time trying to live in the moment and enjoying each passing second with my family without wonderin, "What's next?"

Last month, my mom, my second mom and my sister all attended a religious Women's Conference that shared one of the same messages as this month's General Conference. The message portrade to those attending was to stop living for the "What's next?" and let now be enough. This is something that I have always had issues with and something I strive to perfect in my mortal life on earth.

I have always been happy, upbeat and opptimistic with nearly every situation I have encountered. However, when you grow up in one crappy situation after the next, it's hard to not look ahead to the "What's next?" in life. It's what helped us get through the really crappy times and look forward to getting out of them.

Lately, I have been in the massive whirlwind of postpartum hormones, a thyroid that is possibly not working effectively and a string of infected children. A few weeks ago, three to be more precise, we noticed a dime sized spot on Princess R's back. After inspection, I couldn't figure out whether it was ringworm or a bout of eczema that she has had so frequently. It started to grow and get progressively worse so we decided to take her in during Princess M's well child check and get it checked out. The doctor inspected it and agreed with my findings. It was either eczema or ringworm. If it popped up in any of the other kids, however, it was definitely ringworm. He perscribed her a cream and we were on our way. The very next morning, however, we found 4 spots on Superhero. The spots have since quadrupled in size and now he's up to 10. Princess R has 4 and as of this morning, we found 4 spots on Princess A. Thankfully Princess M has yet to get any. While at the doctors office we also found out that Princess A has a pretty awful ear infection and a raging fever. He prescribed us four prescriptions for the 3 kids, talk about mess.

I also questioned him about my ongoing hormone issue. I constantly feel like I am dying of heat stroke. I am aways sweating, my cheeks are flushed and I feel like it's always 85 degrees in the house. I cannot tell you how many times my husband has come home to me sweating and it's 60 degrees in the house. No wonder everyone constantly complains that it's cold in here. Problem is.. if we raise the temperature, I'm even more miserable. The doctor thinks it's because my thyroid is protesting life. Not his exact words but close enough. He took a blood test and we'll see what the results say. Now I get to nurse my horribly sore arm where the vein blew when they drew my blood. Fun times!

I feel like our house is slowly but surely being sucked into a bacteria infested pool and I can't seem to keep everyone out of it. I'm constantly running in fifteen different directions trying to keep everyone healthy, happy and content in the moment but I am nowhere close to succeeding.

One of the speakers at General Conference just gave a talk this past Sunday in which he stated (I'm paraphrasing) "How can we be thankful for the rainbows in life without first thanking God for the rain?" This resignates so much in my heart. I need to stop and enjoy my family, now. I need to be thankful that the troubles we're having right now are small in comparison to what they could be. I need to be thankful that overall, our family has not had to endure anything too serious and that usually we're all fairly healthy. I am so grateful for the times in which we are healthy. I need to be more grateful for the times in which we aren't because during times of trial, it makes the happiness that much sweeter when we arrive.

I need to learn to let this be enough and in doing so, know that it is my perfection. My situation, however tough or rocky the road, is perfect for me and that is enough.